I might just be in obligation mode here. I feel compelled to keep posting, just to keep up. What is this worth? What do I hope to accomplish? Beats the hell out of me...and I'm just to fucking cynical to really care.
I like to make this worthwhile. I feel like I am helping myself sometimes...I go back and read older things....looks like a rollercoaster. Feels like it too. The problem is that I'm not really sure I can capture my real reactions, my real emotions.....it reads so pathetic sometimes, but then again I also think I'm too hard on myself.
I really don't have any inclination to post anything poker related either. Who wants to read hand histories? especially mine?
Well I do....and I guess that's all that matters.
I've been stewing on the whole ranking idea. I've always thought it was Pauly, Iggy.......and everyone else. As far as 'non famous' poker bloggers are concerned, who am I missing? Really.
I don't suppose that makes a whole lot of sense. Where is poker blogging's main stream? People outside our little clique may have some interest in Wil, PaulP, (which is how I really found this little world) and Pauly. But for the most part I feel like it's some pseudo circle jerk.
Now don't take this the wrong way..I've got those links to the right for a reason. I read all of those blogs...weekly, if not daily. Most everyone on that list has something valuable to add. Another perspective at least.
I never thought (and still do not think) that my posting here would lead to anything. I never even entertained the idea of making money from this. What it has done is buy me a ticket of sorts.
No I take that back....My writing hasn't gotten me anything, my participation in blogger events (namely WWDN weekly) is the only reason that I'm not the only person reading this blog. Some serious coat-tailing.
Who else is guilty of this?? I can't be the only one. And really, when another blogger told me that he had read my blog, I was at first embarrassed. What reason does anyone have to read or care about what I say? The only thing I see that anyone could gain is pity....
I'm being a little tongue and cheek, yes, but as far as the 'blogosphere' is concerned, I am a speck of dirt in a steaming pile of dung laid by a golden goose. How's that for descriptive?
I sincerely appreciate Poker Source of deeming me worthwhile....placating my ego, at least for a month. I'd seriously be surprised if they keep sponsoring me. Maybe they meant to send that e-mail to someone else? Anywho....they caused me to spruce this place up a bit, and that I thank them for. At least I have some pride.
Scew Iggy, I can ramble with the best of em. And I'm not even drunk....I'm putting off work....
I'll read this later and hopefully I can make some sense out of it.... Don't forget, If you are reading this, I value your time and for the first time ask for comments. If you don't feel like posting a comment for whatever reason, feel free to e-mail me 23skidoo@(nospam)gmail.com
Thanks for stopping by.....really.
Thank you.
5 comments:
With the build up from the other day I expected something more than a rambling work avoidance post. I feel robbed and dejected. I had such high hopes and now the rug has been pulled from beneath my feet. Your preview was the catalyst to my own post and now I've been left dangling. Now it's out there, my own little stray post wandering like a deranged lunatic lost in the desert looking for a home. Doesn't that last little bit there remind you of the gieco gecko commercials?
:)
No pressure mate, post when you want, we'll be here.
What's the line from Boogie Nights?
"If you dig it, it's cool..."
If you like what you write and you hit publish, that's all that matters. It's your blog afterall. Do what you want with it but as long as you are getting something out of it... it's working.
Keep it up, skiddoo!
I've said many times before that blogging is like literary masturbation. You do it for yourself, by yourself, and generally, nothing worthwhile gets done.
But don't get so down on yourself or your blog or for that matter the community. We are all our own harshest judges. There have been more than once when I thought to myself, what the hell is the point of this site? How many posts can I write that start, "I played 2 Rios yesterday and won one."
But I do it anyway, mostly because I love poker so much. Writing about poker gives me an outlet to 'play' when I'm at work or otherwise can't actually play. It also has become an creative outlet over time. I do it mostly for myself. See the masturbation thing rearing its head again.
Circle jerk is a good term, because we are an insular community. But at least we are also an open one. New members can join and a reader that finds one of our sites will be open to all of them if they click enough links. So, someone is reading you and you are getting them through 10 minutes of their day, and that is something to be proud of.
When it becomes an obligation, take a couple of days off. You'll come back to it if/when you are ready.
And don't get too wrapped up in the office politics. It's just growing pains of the community. If you get enough people in the same place someone is going to start arguing. It only means something if you pay attention.
The only thing lamer than you writing this is me reading it then commenting.
I'd probably add Up for Anything (Otis et al), Linda, and Felicia in the small group, then everyone else. I didn't have much of a reaction to Jordan's post, but I think folks run the gamut. The bloggers I've met have been very nice (although granted not many of them). The mix is probably not too unique: some poker bloggers are arrogant jerks, some are in it for making dollars, a couple are serial killers (beastiality seems to be more prevalent with poker bloggers vs. the total population for some reason). As you, I tend to use my links as places for me to go, which then disturbs me that I don't take the time to link others up (like yours). It really doesn't take much to get my attention and at least have me drop by, but I'm either normal or abnormal. Or both.
Hey 23skidoo, just found your blog (via typical vanity search -- somebody at tonight's WWdN asked me if it was my first time out, and I suggested they google 'denials wwdn', then decided I should follow my own advice and here I am).
I've always thought it's a questionable strategy to honestly blog your poker games -- you know, why give away tips about your playing style and decision for other players to pick up on? Yet, live-blogging the WWdN is just too much fun; and finding that people that I play with during WWdN Invitationals (and enjoy the repartee with at the table) actually check out my blog from time to time is motivation to keep on doing it.
It also gives me a good reason to tell my wife why I have to play poker on Tuesdays: the public demands it!
But, like you, I see my blog as my own. It's not a "pure" poker blog; my content changes as my interest changes. When I was doing a lot of tech talks and writing a tech book, it was a good place to point people for my latest thoughts and presentations; when I'm playing poker, it's good for poker. It's about me... it's not about making money, or fame, or showing how hardcore I am in any particular endeavour.
So I'm honoured that you've chosen to link to my blog; if I ever get around to creating a blogroll, I'll definitely link back to you. And it is a pleasure playing poker with you!
BTW, nice playing at the WWdN tonight :)
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