In Dreams

I don't often have vivid dreams, and when I do I can only recall images or feelings.

Last night I had a dream. I woke up around 5AM disturbed and started to recall it. It was a familiar setting and one I've had in many dreams.

My Grandmother's house.

The house where my father grew up was in a large, heavily wooded neighborhood in between the marshes of Glynn county and downtown Brunswick.

Brunswick started as one of the five original ports of entry for the 13 colonies. It serves as a hub for car imports as well as wood pulp products. One thing visitors notice immediately is the smell. There is a thick mixture of heavy sea air, shrimp, and wood processing that hangs on the whim of the wind, which there is plenty.

My grandparents built the small, but comfortable house on an acre of flat land which held some of the best climbing oaks known to boy-dom. I spent several weeks of nearly every summer vacation in the house with my grandparents, usually joined by my cousin John who is only one year younger than myself. His older brother called my grandmother Gan, my grandfather was Dado. Being the oldest, he got naming rights on the grandparents, so the names stuck.

When my father decided to quit the rat race and buy a business on St. Simons island, just across the marsh, he bought the house from my grandmother and moved his new family there. I was begrudgingly moved from Atlanta into a house with my 2nd step-mother and her 2 daughters.

There are plenty of memories wrapped up in that setting, both bad and good. I did an awful lot of growing up in that house, so I suppose my mind retreats there when it's feeling lazy. Its a comfortable backdrop.

I've been trying to piece the memory of this dream together, and it seems trivial, but the fact is that it didn't feel trivial when I woke up mid-slumber at 5AM.

I was sitting in Gan's tiny kitchen. I knew it was Gan's kitchen because the old refrigerator was there. One of those bulbous 50's 'friges with the huge silver-chrome pull handles on it.

I was sitting on the floor with my wife and someone else. I tugs at my brain trying to figure out the other person there since they were central to my comfort (or lack of it) in the situation.

Behind me, there was a large pot of boiling water, steaming into the air with the screams of crabs. I used to think it was screaming when I was a kid, and I liked it in a sadistic kid-like way.

Back in the day, John and I would get our crab traps, three or 4 packs of chicken necks and a bucket. We'd walk down to the marsh when the tide was just beginning to wane, and we'd pull plenty of crabs out of the water to fill the bucket before we could see the muddy bottom of the marsh.

We'd proudly present our bucket to Gan and she'd boil 'em up for us. To this day, I have never had crab that good.

My wife and I were having a light discussion, sitting on the floor, when the phone rang. We didn't pick up the phone though. We let it ring till the answering machine picked up. There was a long pause and a smallish girl spoke. She left a message for me, but I did not recognize the voice.
The third person and I had an animated discussion surrounding the phone call. It was as if I was blaming the third person for the discomfort the call and the message caused.

What's strange is I remember the name, and when I woke up this morning, I remembered most of the number. What i remember most of all is the feeling of betrayal and anger I had after the call.

The problem is that I have no idea why I was mad...perhaps upset is a better description.

In the dream I tried to reason why this person would call me and leave a message. I remember looking at the number on the Caller ID and it was different than the one given in the message. Why would she try to lie? Too many questions, and I was anxious.

I wish I could remember more, which is the crux of most of my dreams. I remember images and feelings but never specifics.

I do know that this morning I checked the caller ID on my phone, but there was nothing from last night/this morning. I also had the distinct feeling that things were out of place.

If I was a better writer, I'd have a clever device to put this together and make it coherent, but I just felt like getting the feeling down so I could try to get to the root of it.

I'm coming up sort of empty right now, and I'm going to choose to ignore any blatant commitment/marriage/faith issues in some random girl leaving a message for me on the phone. The girl is a red herring for the feeling I woke up with.

I just cant put my finger on it.