In a moment of boredom, a slight buzz, and sheer depravity I could not resist her..
I walked in to the room quietly and she didn't even acknowledge me. I walked by and got her attention with a little brush of my index finger. She turned her attention to me and lit up. I hardly had time to react to her beauty. The warmth of her gaze drew me in and I was helpless... she was calling to me, wanting me like I haven't been wanted in weeks.
I pulled close to her and took her in my hands, she was all to willing, following my every command. Before I knew it I was committed, it was my turn to act and I went with it.
Oh poker machine, you beguile me, entrance me, and betray me. I am helpless against your charms, please be gentle.
ok, so yeah...I couldn't resist. I fired up FT to watch the mook for a bit and for some unknown reason pulled up a OH8 1/2 NL table. I played about 15 minutes and won 36 bucks. Boy do I feel dirty. I have 2 weeks and three days left of my self imposed lenton poker ban, and I can't even contain myself...woe is me.
Also, I still have spots on the Poker Blogger Fantasy Baseball league, I should be getting one more person which puts us at 6.. I need four more so let me know if you want to join and I'll give you the password. All the information you need is in the posts below..
Showing posts with label poker personal. Show all posts
Showing posts with label poker personal. Show all posts
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Friday, March 02, 2007
ez money
Something lost, something gained.
I've been thinking about the effect the loss of Neteller means to me. First of all it was really annoying. I am not as bad off as most people, I only had a relatively small amount there. I had luckily taken out some $ from my good cash in the 25K.
I also put a good bit in FT and PS (which I subsequently lost in Jan/Feb). This all culminated with a stressful job move and the ongoing stress of raising a family, having a wife who works part time and is in school part time.
So despite my accomplishment in the personal arena (new job mo' money), I was not equipped for the pressure and the swing in poker in Jan/Feb. Now its all gone. Every last cent I have earned in poker in the last 3 years has vanished. It is truly sickening since I had reached a self sustaining roll just in the last year or so. I was not equipped to handle the loss and subsequently burned through everything in classic chase/tilt manner.
Brave New World
I was really down on poker and just had a sick feeling, like my stomach was burning in its own acids. I've been down before, but most of that was due to outside influences. Poker has always been a fun outlet for me, but for 2 months it turned into something else. Something that I thought I had gotten out of my system. A compulsion.
Now that I have gained some perspective, I can see it. I have now given myself some time to figure out what I'm going to do about it. Since Lent began, I have not gone a day without thinking about playing. I want to get back and plug the hole. The loss of Neteller has allowed me the opportunity to re-evaluate (again) what I'm doing.
Enter ePassporte. Now I can fund my account again, its kind of scary, because I'm not sure if I have the responsibility for it. The good thing is that I have another month to hash that out. Hopefully after Easter I will have a better idea of what I hope to accomplish. If I can't come up with a plan and a real goal, then I just may have to be done online for awhile. I really don't want that to happen though. We shall see.
Is this the real life, is this just fantasy?
What the hell is wrong with you people???? I'm really having a hard time believing there are only 3 bloggers who want to play fantasy baseball. If there's one thing more American than poker, it's baseball.
The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It's been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt, and erased again. But baseball has marked the time. This field, this game, is a part of our past, Ray. It reminds us of all that once was good, and it could be again. Ohhhhhhhh, people will come, Ray. People will most definitely come. -Terrence Mann, Field of Dreams
COME JOIN THE LEAGUE! If you need more info that you can't find here, contact me at 23skidoo at geemail.
I've been thinking about the effect the loss of Neteller means to me. First of all it was really annoying. I am not as bad off as most people, I only had a relatively small amount there. I had luckily taken out some $ from my good cash in the 25K.
I also put a good bit in FT and PS (which I subsequently lost in Jan/Feb). This all culminated with a stressful job move and the ongoing stress of raising a family, having a wife who works part time and is in school part time.
So despite my accomplishment in the personal arena (new job mo' money), I was not equipped for the pressure and the swing in poker in Jan/Feb. Now its all gone. Every last cent I have earned in poker in the last 3 years has vanished. It is truly sickening since I had reached a self sustaining roll just in the last year or so. I was not equipped to handle the loss and subsequently burned through everything in classic chase/tilt manner.
Brave New World
I was really down on poker and just had a sick feeling, like my stomach was burning in its own acids. I've been down before, but most of that was due to outside influences. Poker has always been a fun outlet for me, but for 2 months it turned into something else. Something that I thought I had gotten out of my system. A compulsion.
Now that I have gained some perspective, I can see it. I have now given myself some time to figure out what I'm going to do about it. Since Lent began, I have not gone a day without thinking about playing. I want to get back and plug the hole. The loss of Neteller has allowed me the opportunity to re-evaluate (again) what I'm doing.
Enter ePassporte. Now I can fund my account again, its kind of scary, because I'm not sure if I have the responsibility for it. The good thing is that I have another month to hash that out. Hopefully after Easter I will have a better idea of what I hope to accomplish. If I can't come up with a plan and a real goal, then I just may have to be done online for awhile. I really don't want that to happen though. We shall see.
Is this the real life, is this just fantasy?
What the hell is wrong with you people???? I'm really having a hard time believing there are only 3 bloggers who want to play fantasy baseball. If there's one thing more American than poker, it's baseball.
The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It's been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt, and erased again. But baseball has marked the time. This field, this game, is a part of our past, Ray. It reminds us of all that once was good, and it could be again. Ohhhhhhhh, people will come, Ray. People will most definitely come. -Terrence Mann, Field of Dreams
COME JOIN THE LEAGUE! If you need more info that you can't find here, contact me at 23skidoo at geemail.
Friday, December 15, 2006
obligation
I'm posting today out of obligation. It's been a full 3 weeks of doldrums now. I hate it. I need more sleep 4-6 hours doesn't cut it and it creeps into my behavior. I'm not obligated necessarily to my handful of readers out there (no offense) but obligated to the knowledge that navel-gazing helps me, and I need to post here and get it out.
Tuesday was a blur as I floundered in the WWDN, as of now I don't remember any hand I played or where I ended up....wait thats right, I didn't play the WWDN, but I did manage to play a little at FT later and donk away about 3 bills. The thrill of a decent score was in my head and I wanted to turn it into something bigger. Not to be, yet.
Wednesday was a trial in multiple frustrations as I played a decent game at .50/1 covering all my tourney buy-ins, but got my ass handed to me in the blogger games and the 25K guarantee. In all three MTTs I put my money in ahead and got kicked in the junk.
25K 4 hands in get bullets and raise 4x and get a caller, flop comes with garbage and I push, he calls with 99. Turn brings a nine.
Mook : 88 vs AK Qxx on the flop. I've already raised pre-flop and called a re-raise by the villain. I firmly put him on Ax or worse. Flop comes and I make a pot sized bet villain pushes and I go with my read. Turn is a K. Good call sir!
Mook2 QJ with a medium to short stack QJx flops and I push, big stack calls (correctly) with KK and turns his set. Yay me.
I did manage to blow some steam off playing low limit horse with Budo, waffles and scottMC. Some retard there kept insisting I was gonna bust when I bluffed him out of a big pot with the waffle (24o). How do you call on every street and a few raises only to fold on the river to one more meager bet???? Somehow I made him do just that.....it was hawesome. I did manage to leave there down about 6 bucks though since I played like every other hand.
I showed up late to CC's Thursday bash, clearly thinking it was at 10. I ramped up a little but got smoked with a succession of low to mid pairs which I tend to play way too passively. I missed getting points again and need a top 3 in the next tourney to have a chance at scoring some extra cash. I then won my buy-in and then some back playing 25/NL. I promise not to play any more cash above 50/1 for at least 2 months....whew, there...I said it.
I'll be online at some point tonight, the wife has book club. I have minimal fundage in FT and Stars due to paranoia and a need for some spare x-mas cash. I'll settle in to some cheap MTT's and token chases I think. See you around.
Tuesday was a blur as I floundered in the WWDN, as of now I don't remember any hand I played or where I ended up....wait thats right, I didn't play the WWDN, but I did manage to play a little at FT later and donk away about 3 bills. The thrill of a decent score was in my head and I wanted to turn it into something bigger. Not to be, yet.
Wednesday was a trial in multiple frustrations as I played a decent game at .50/1 covering all my tourney buy-ins, but got my ass handed to me in the blogger games and the 25K guarantee. In all three MTTs I put my money in ahead and got kicked in the junk.
25K 4 hands in get bullets and raise 4x and get a caller, flop comes with garbage and I push, he calls with 99. Turn brings a nine.
Mook : 88 vs AK Qxx on the flop. I've already raised pre-flop and called a re-raise by the villain. I firmly put him on Ax or worse. Flop comes and I make a pot sized bet villain pushes and I go with my read. Turn is a K. Good call sir!
Mook2 QJ with a medium to short stack QJx flops and I push, big stack calls (correctly) with KK and turns his set. Yay me.
I did manage to blow some steam off playing low limit horse with Budo, waffles and scottMC. Some retard there kept insisting I was gonna bust when I bluffed him out of a big pot with the waffle (24o). How do you call on every street and a few raises only to fold on the river to one more meager bet???? Somehow I made him do just that.....it was hawesome. I did manage to leave there down about 6 bucks though since I played like every other hand.
I showed up late to CC's Thursday bash, clearly thinking it was at 10. I ramped up a little but got smoked with a succession of low to mid pairs which I tend to play way too passively. I missed getting points again and need a top 3 in the next tourney to have a chance at scoring some extra cash. I then won my buy-in and then some back playing 25/NL. I promise not to play any more cash above 50/1 for at least 2 months....whew, there...I said it.
I'll be online at some point tonight, the wife has book club. I have minimal fundage in FT and Stars due to paranoia and a need for some spare x-mas cash. I'll settle in to some cheap MTT's and token chases I think. See you around.
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
As you may or may not have noticed..
I've had a bit of trouble lately posting. I've used this place as an outlet in the past and it evolved into.....something.
I have vowed to 'shit or get off the pot' in the proverbial sense, but tend to fall back into my all too comfortable routine. Something akin to build, bust, re-buy, I accomplish, lose, reevaluate. On the poker side, I have nothing to reevaluate, I am what I am, but evolving. My main problem, and a theme running through my posts is consistency, and my desire to find some semblance of it.
I have what it takes to be a great player, I think. My shortcomings are in the realm of analytical skills (putting your opponent on a range of hands), bankroll management ( picking the right game and sticking with it), and discipline (not getting lit and playing way above my bankroll).
In my opinion, discipline is the most troublesome, I think it is something very hard to teach or learn...you've got it or not. What I've got is that little devil sitting on my shoulder saying: 'Psst, Brian give it a shot...why not? Someone's got to win right?'
Totally lottery winner type thinking, and I only do that for poker. I've taken a bit of a step back in some respects. At the height of my playing I was online EVERY night, up till 12-4AM most nights, sleep be damned. I've trimmed it down to once or twice a week, but it hasn't resulted in more selective play or better decision making. troubling indeed. I've just got to figure out what makes this game work..I need to strip it down and make it mine, and I keep telling myself I'm getting there, but seeing the same results. Am I doomed to be a break-even player? I keep waiting for a breakthrough that might not be coming.
So on to other things.... I am constantly impressed by the talent of what I reluctantly consider my 'peers'. The quotes are there to emphasize that the word peers implies equals, and I am not equal to these guys.
Otis is a constant source of inspiration, he writes with his heart, and cares not for the consequences. His talent lies in his ability to get it out there in such a readable and easily understood manner. He gets things out in his writing that make you want to hear more, to get inside. It's humbling.
Pauly is so himself it is scary....truly comfortable in his own skin, fully aware, always observing. Luckily for us he is always reporting as well. His latest post struck a bit of a nerve.
"So the next time you get an alumni magazine and you get pissed off that a dumb ass moron that couldn't even jerk off properly who is all of a sudden a real estate mogul in Macau with a modelesque wife and a private jet, remind yourself that none of this matters.
Like David Mamet said in his play Edmond, "No one is keeping score. No one cares."
Actually he's wrong on that. There is someone keeping score and there is someone that cares... and it's you. And unless you let those notions go, you are going to be living your life in a way that's not your own. You'd be living a life that is motivated by getting a blurb in your alumni magazine. In short, that's pathetic.
You cannot read other people's minds, so stop worrying about what other people may or might not think about you. Most of the time we're way off base and if someone thinks you're a loser or asshole... then so what?"
1. Know why you play poker before you play it.
2. Don't live your life to impress your peers."
Thanks for that Pauly. I am keeping score, but my problem is that I need validation as well. I think a lot of people have this issue. They carry it without knowing why, or where to get it. I know I've sought some sort of validation here with mixed results. But when it comes down to it, who the fuck cares? What difference does it make if I am accepted or not? When it comes down to brass tax I am the ultimate judge.
Why am I doing this? Because its fun. Not good enough, I'm not 20 years old I have to hold myself in a higher light.
What am I getting from this? 3 years of throwing money around trying to prove I belong to something. Sad, poor excuse....get something you can put your fingers on or bail..this is a waste of freaking time unless you can do that.
Sorry this is such a long and winding post...I have more, but I'm tired of typing now. Something big is on the horizon for me and I have to go and get it. My problem is that I don't know how to get what I want, it has always come to me.
Also, I've done some housekeeping on the right hand side here and have added some very excellent blogs to it. Please go check these out if you have not yet.
PokerPeaker
Blinders
Riding the Hippocamp
All-In in the Dark
I have vowed to 'shit or get off the pot' in the proverbial sense, but tend to fall back into my all too comfortable routine. Something akin to build, bust, re-buy, I accomplish, lose, reevaluate. On the poker side, I have nothing to reevaluate, I am what I am, but evolving. My main problem, and a theme running through my posts is consistency, and my desire to find some semblance of it.
I have what it takes to be a great player, I think. My shortcomings are in the realm of analytical skills (putting your opponent on a range of hands), bankroll management ( picking the right game and sticking with it), and discipline (not getting lit and playing way above my bankroll).
In my opinion, discipline is the most troublesome, I think it is something very hard to teach or learn...you've got it or not. What I've got is that little devil sitting on my shoulder saying: 'Psst, Brian give it a shot...why not? Someone's got to win right?'
Totally lottery winner type thinking, and I only do that for poker. I've taken a bit of a step back in some respects. At the height of my playing I was online EVERY night, up till 12-4AM most nights, sleep be damned. I've trimmed it down to once or twice a week, but it hasn't resulted in more selective play or better decision making. troubling indeed. I've just got to figure out what makes this game work..I need to strip it down and make it mine, and I keep telling myself I'm getting there, but seeing the same results. Am I doomed to be a break-even player? I keep waiting for a breakthrough that might not be coming.
So on to other things.... I am constantly impressed by the talent of what I reluctantly consider my 'peers'. The quotes are there to emphasize that the word peers implies equals, and I am not equal to these guys.
Otis is a constant source of inspiration, he writes with his heart, and cares not for the consequences. His talent lies in his ability to get it out there in such a readable and easily understood manner. He gets things out in his writing that make you want to hear more, to get inside. It's humbling.
Pauly is so himself it is scary....truly comfortable in his own skin, fully aware, always observing. Luckily for us he is always reporting as well. His latest post struck a bit of a nerve.
"So the next time you get an alumni magazine and you get pissed off that a dumb ass moron that couldn't even jerk off properly who is all of a sudden a real estate mogul in Macau with a modelesque wife and a private jet, remind yourself that none of this matters.
Like David Mamet said in his play Edmond, "No one is keeping score. No one cares."
Actually he's wrong on that. There is someone keeping score and there is someone that cares... and it's you. And unless you let those notions go, you are going to be living your life in a way that's not your own. You'd be living a life that is motivated by getting a blurb in your alumni magazine. In short, that's pathetic.
You cannot read other people's minds, so stop worrying about what other people may or might not think about you. Most of the time we're way off base and if someone thinks you're a loser or asshole... then so what?"
1. Know why you play poker before you play it.
2. Don't live your life to impress your peers."
Thanks for that Pauly. I am keeping score, but my problem is that I need validation as well. I think a lot of people have this issue. They carry it without knowing why, or where to get it. I know I've sought some sort of validation here with mixed results. But when it comes down to it, who the fuck cares? What difference does it make if I am accepted or not? When it comes down to brass tax I am the ultimate judge.
Why am I doing this? Because its fun. Not good enough, I'm not 20 years old I have to hold myself in a higher light.
What am I getting from this? 3 years of throwing money around trying to prove I belong to something. Sad, poor excuse....get something you can put your fingers on or bail..this is a waste of freaking time unless you can do that.
Sorry this is such a long and winding post...I have more, but I'm tired of typing now. Something big is on the horizon for me and I have to go and get it. My problem is that I don't know how to get what I want, it has always come to me.
Also, I've done some housekeeping on the right hand side here and have added some very excellent blogs to it. Please go check these out if you have not yet.
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