Friday, January 28, 2011

The Ugly

Well my memories of WPBT and Vegas have all but faded into oblivion, however I did want to address something mostly for myself. If I didn't manage to link you or mention you in the past 2 posts, but I did in fact meet you, well I'm slack. Its not you its me.

What I did want to get out for me to remember is that I'm a junkie. I'm reckless, thoughtless, and plain ignorant at times. It's something that's hard to admit when you pretend to be a pretty smart guy. I simply don't have an excuse for Thursday night. I can't convince myself that it was actually me. I ran through my bankroll in a matter of hours. When I was done with that I hit the ATM and damn near drained my checking account. I didn't walk upstairs and go to bed, I didn't sleep it off. I didn't listen to the me that said on the plane 'Don't be an idiot...please'

Nope, I kept pushing the throttle....oblivious to anything other than the fix, the gamble, the booze. It makes me sick to think about what I put in jeopardy. For the sake of....nothing. selfishness, hardheadedness, greed, stupidity? I don't know. I couldn't shake that pit in the bottom of my stomach the rest of the weekend, so please forgive me if I was a little off. I was scared shitless of myself, of fucking up again, of losing. So, no more Vegas for me. Some guys just can't handle it.